Feel so fucking lost lately. I wish I had that one person I could confide in and tell my deepest darkest secrets. It gets lonely after sometime of not talking or letting anyone close in. Everyday, I become increasingly negative and resentful for not becoming that girl I dreamt about being since I was little. Its sickening how grossed out I am, from the way I look to how I present myself. I am aware of how annoying it is to complain about ones self and make no progress of fixing the imperfections. My energy is wasted and my time is spent. This life was a mistake and my intentions were pointless. Everything feels so wrong and everything I want seems impossible. Why? Why, does everything have to end up so messed up only to realize it so late in the game and I’m too tired to bother. Perhaps it will make winning so much more gratifying. But where do I get my strength, wisdom, or opportunities from. Who will help me push through the shit that has taken over. Who will love me? I am all I have to save myself from becoming old and bitter.
Best advice I could give at this point is “Don’t give a fuck what you think others will think of you. We are all fucked up in the worst ways and we tend to hate more people than we love but none of that matters as much as realizing that our lives stood for something great. That our existence truly mattered..”